1 month anniversary of adulthood

Among other experiences during my re-integration into the US, I have begun to experience what "feeling old" and "having experience" is like. I'm not sure if it's a product of some concocted ideas of adulthood that should appear when you turn 21, a bitter nostalgia at nearing the end of my time as a blissful Stanford undergrad, or if it is an actual period of growth. All of these feelings had been whirling around inside me but seemed to manifest themselves in real life yesterday at work.

The NIH hosted a graduate & professional school fair for all the summer trainees. I, naturally, came prepared with a host of questions for school representatives that were left unanswered after scouring their department websites for months. I noted all the bright and hopeful eyes of fellow trainees as I made my rounds to the booths, after all, we were getting the chance to talk to the people who have all the insider information on how to be accepted into these great programs. But as I joined the others in filling out mailing lists and asking questions, I realized that many of the students asking questions alongside me were still in high school, or at most freshmen or sophomores in college.

I commend them for learning as early as possible about what is out there - something that despite all my meticulous consideration I failed to adequately do - and I was slightly impressed with myself for knowing the answer to some of their questions because of research I had done on my own. But really, I envied there ability to walk through and simply gain knowledge. They still have no need for strategy or heavy consideration, they are just beginning.

After my experience at the grad fair and after reflecting on the current state of my life, I consider today the 1 month anniversary of my own adulthood. When I was much younger, I saw people in their 20's and thought to myself, "they must really have their lives figured out, they are twenty years old." Well maybe it's still a little presumptuous for me to actually consider myself an adult, because goodness knows that I still have a great deal to learn, but I know this feeling of uncertainty with life doesn't end in your early 20's. It continues into your late 20's, your 30's, and sometimes even beyond that. And according to The Free Dictionary (dot) com, "adulthood" is defined as the state (and responsibilities) of a person who has attained maturity. Well, I have a full time job and I pay rent. I also cook for myself and am responsible for planning all things related to budget and transportation. Sometimes I feel pretty damn adult.

But then I remember that come September, I will be back at the Stanford bubble. That I still have 1 more year of ridiculous mistakes that I can get away with simply because I'm an undergrad. All this playing adult stuff is fun most of the time, and I think I'll be ready for it when the time comes, but I can wait.